SPOTTED: Taylor Swift in box seats at a Kansas City Chiefs game, sitting with none other than Travis Kelce’s mother, Donna “Mama” Kelce. Swifties and NFL fans alike follow the new relationship, and even the New York Times comments, saying “Taylor Swift has put Travis Kelce on the map”(don’t mention this to an NFL fan, they might get angry).
Whoever you are, this relationship will affect you. So, to prepare, sort yourself accordingly into one of the following categories; Swiftie, Kansas City Chiefs fan, normal sports fan, Travis Kelce wannabe, or none of the above.
Swifties: First, let’s debrief. This is the one. We all know that 13 is Taylor’s number, and guess what, he’s her 13th relationship. I know, crazy. More so, what year was he born in?? 1989? Yup, the same year as Swift’s iconic album. In “Mary’s Song”, Taylor says “I’ll be 87 and you’ll be 89”. What is Kelce’s jersey number? 87. It’s meant to be. So, now that we’re all caught up, let’s discuss the repercussions of this relationship. Assuming this is not more than a PR stunt, not much will happen, maybe a new song or two. Think Matty Healy. However, if this turns into a Taylor Lautner-esque relationship, just wait for the rest of this year; endless material for Swifties to obsess over, and maybe a whole album produced. Let’s not forget that if this becomes long-term, Taylor will be happy too, which is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART, not the paparazzi flicks.
Kansas City Chiefs fans: I know there aren’t many of you, but for the few to whom this section pertains, listen up. Yes, you now will have to know something about pop music. Yes, ESPN will give her a lot of airtime, because people care. Before you know it, you will care too. All of the drama surrounding Patrick Mahomes’ wife? Prepare for that to be multiplied by a million. On the bright side, at least now people know about the Chiefs! Looking at sheer numbers, more people care about Taylor Swift than the team, so now your beloved boy band is getting more air time, piggybacking off of her fame (yes I know they won a Superbowl, but please look at the numbers before sending me strongly-worded emails or DMs).
Normal (boring) sports fans: Prepare to learn about Taylor. In just the first game she attended, she got 59 seconds of air time, compared to Kelce’s 29 seconds. I know, shocker (not really). So, as much as you may resist, it is time to embrace the blonde hair and red lip.
Travis Kelce wannabes: To achieve the true Travis Kelce persona, time to ditch the giant ego and chase after the people you like. Taylor has said that she respected him pining after her, and it might even be the reason she gave him a chance. Learn from him. Your ego is not worth it.
If it doesn’t affect you: You’re wrong. It does. Think again, have some self-awareness.
And to end, in the words of the all-knowing, “I wish the best for both of them. I hope they enjoy their life, maybe together, maybe not–most likely not” – Donald Trump.