Gruetter Shocks Herself While Watching Too Hot to Handle

By: Kate Gruetter

National/World Editor

You know how they say that during a coma, you can hear everything going on around you? Well, last weekend, I fell into a deep sleep comparable to a coma, and I can assure you I heard nothing around me. In fact, I heard so much nothing that I woke up to confusion and chaos. What was at the center of this confusion and chaos, you may ask? Well, the answer is the hit reality TV show Too Hot To Handle. 

Until a couple days ago, I was completely unaware of the national treasure that is Too Hot Too Handle. I mean, of course I knew this series existed, but I thought it was just another stupid dating show I could never tolerate. I was partially right. The show is stupid and silly and comical. But it’s also so perfectly idiotic it’s entertaining. It has such little plot and thought to it that after a two-hour nap, I somehow awoke to a completely different storyline. 

I know what you’re probably thinking. “Kate, you beautiful fool, you finished the season in your sleep and woke up to the following installment.” I wish you were right. Nope. The exact same season, only a couple episodes later, was playing after my nap. It turns out the showrunners decided to add two new characters halfway through the season. The ginger and brunette figures I woke up to were not stars of the next season or figments of my imagination, but instead the show’s wildcards, thrown into the mix to start drama and heat things up. 

And heat things up they did. At first, I froze. Literally. I woke up shivering from a cold sweat, the result of dreams and nightmares featuring the characters, loves, and stakes of Too Hot To Handle. And also because it was 34 degrees and my house doesn’t have heat. Besides the point. 

The heat I refer to is the show’s sizzling storylines. Its twists and turns. Its blistering betrayals. For example, the stable couple I fell asleep to was long gone when I awoke. Sometime during my slumber, enough dramatics, treachery, and skirmishes ensued to break up this pair and drive them into the arms of new lovers. 

I also discovered a ginger on-screen upon my return to consciousness, which was severely traumatic, at best. The presence of such a creature genuinely made me jump on my couch and cower in fear. The worst part was the ginger wasn’t wearing a shirt; I had to see this foul being nearly naked right after opening my eyes. 

Of course, some things never changed. The same character was having the same crisis, and continuing to refuse actually solving anything, and the couple I loved was still not together. 

Conclusively, I guess the moral of this story is try your best not to fall asleep during reality TV, or you might wake up to some scary happenings, and even scarier hair colors.

Categories: Humor

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