Liu Lists Special “Talents”

By: Nadia Liu

Public Relations Manager

Have you ever seen someone do something and had the thought, “I could absolutely do that,” even though you have no reason to believe that at all? So have I! Here is a list of things I’ve convinced myself I could do with zero training and experience:

Swimming with sharks: There is absolutely no real reason that I can give for being unequivocally convinced that I could swim with sharks and survive, other than a dream I had in eighth grade in which I survived a shark attack in Australia and then proceeded to ride the shark Aquaman-style through the ocean. Maybe it’s the exceedingly large amount of Shark Week content I watch, or maybe it’s hubris, but I am fully convinced that if I hopped into the water with sharks, this is how it would go: they’d notice me and swim closer to investigate. Once they realized that I was the alpha in this scenario, (as I always am), they would allow me to pet them and then swim away, leaving me unscathed.

Flying a plane: Apparently, the requirement for becoming a commercial pilot is 1500 hours. I could do it in one, maybe two tops. It cannot be that different from driving a car; you have a control wheel, some pedals, and maybe an additional lever or two. Plus, we all saw Top Gun: Maverick. If Tom Cruise can do it at 60 years old, I’m sure that I could figure it out. Also, there’s an autopilot feature in basically every movie I’ve ever watched, so I can’t possibly mess up that badly. Just call me… (I literally cannot think of a cool call sign, but if I could, I would insert it here.)

Doing a backflip: Have I tried? No. Will I try? Probably not. Yet, I know, in my heart of hearts, that I could execute a perfect backflip on my first try. I just could. 

Winning any reality show: Survivor? I would simply utilize my fifth grade science camp knowledge. Love Island? They literally choose your match for you — how hard could it be to get them to like you? The Great British Bake Off? Half of the contestants mess up so badly every round that I could breeze through by just baking something edible.

Winning gold at the Olympics: Every time I watch the Olympics, I am completely sure I could beat every athlete at every sport. I’m certain that I could easily do a Triple Quad if I had a pair of ice skates, or a Quad Cork 1800 if only I had a snowboard (I fully just looked up “super hard snowboarding tricks”). While I realize that athletes train for decades to achieve the level they are at, I just can’t help but believe that if I really put my mind to it, somehow some genetic superpower in me would get unlocked and I would cross the finish line, Usain Bolt far behind.

Becoming friends with any celebrity: I feel like if Taylor just gave me a chance, she would see that we are a truly compatible pair. I’m not one of those people who has an endless social battery and talks to everyone they meet, yet I feel like if I ever bumped into Shawn Mendes on the street, we would become instant best friends. Jennifer Lawrence and I would get along too. I can see it already: us meeting at a movie premier I snuck into, us getting pizza on the weekends, and her telling me all of the Hollywood hot gossip.

Categories: Humor

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