HUMOR: Holland Critiques her Peers’ Spotify Listening History

by Lucy Holland

Culture Editor

I love Spotify. Not just for being Spotify and perfect and wonderful, but also because people tend to forget that playlists and listening activity is fully public. Many people (me) are way too comfortable making hyper specific niche playlists with far too personal descriptions. So here we go, I’m going to rate some fellow staffers’ public playlists. 

Sad Taylor, by Jackie King, Humor Editor

Heeeey Jackie, you’re probably editing this right now; don’t cut this please. I’m genuinely a little concerned. Not because it’s a playlist solely devoted to Taylor Swift, because you already have at least five other ones that are public (and probably a dozen others that are private), but because you decided to put like six songs about John Mayer on a playlist with three John Mayer songs on it. To the biggest Swiftie I know, please cool it with the John Mayer; Dear John is literally on this playlist. 

Speeding on LG Blvd, by Brynn Gibson, Graphics Designer

First of all, Mr. G, look away. Brynn absolutely does not speed on LG Blvd; do not fret. Now Brynn, just wanted to ask, what about Ribs by Lorde makes you wanna put the pedal to the metal on the worst street in this gosh darn town (you can look now Mr. G I didn’t use a no-no word). Next time, just call the playlist all of Dayglow and Maggie Rodger’s discography and forgo the speeding ticket.

bzubzubzzshhh, by Ethan Sanders, People Editor

Hey Ethan, you doin’ ok? In your own words, this playlist is “boooommmmbrrshhh” and tbh I get it. The RUDE Zedd Remix goes surprisingly hard, but you lose points for unironically having Dance Monkey on here. Not sure if Dance Monkey is balanced out by Memories (feat. Kid Cudi), but you did a good job with the white girl dance music. 

this is my 5-hour long emo playlist, by Sophie Sullivan, Opinion Editor

Soph, Sophie, Soap. This is a playlist with the full discography of Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots, and Fall Out Boy. I can’t really say much about this playlist, because I have shamelessly lost my voice with you listening to Teenagers, so I just want the world to know that it exists. 

Curing My Depression, by Georgia Kaufman, Humor Editor

Description: “Stop asking me if I’m ok after seeing this playlist.” How Deep is Your Love by the Bee Gees 69 times. ‘Nough said.

Emily Duvall’s listening history, by Emily Duvall, Culture Editor

Ms. Duvall, it’s embarrassing enough that you use Apple Music, but I simply cannot get over the fact that 8 of your top 10 songs of 2021 are GLEE CAST VERSIONS. EMILY. WHY. WHY ON PLANET EARTH ARE YOU LISTENING TO RACHEL BERRY SING DON’T RAIN ON MY PARADE. 

(Source: Spotify *follow me*)

Categories: Humor, Lifestyle

Leave a Reply