Curtis provides Halloween costumes

By: Emery Curtis

Graphics Editor

With Halloween coming up, are you struggling to find a costume? Are you tired of going as a boring pirate or a lame vampire? Then this is the article for you! I have three great unique costume ideas for Halloween this year that I’m sure no one will be doing. And don’t you worry, they are super easy to make at home and in a rush. 

For a current and trendy look that everyone will be talking about, the first costume is inspired by the Mojo Dojo Casa House from the box office-crushing movie of the summer, Barbie. In order to achieve this look, you will begin by going out and cutting down a tree, and the lumber you collect will be used to create and form your mold. Next, recycle your historic, rare, priceless, mid-century plastic horse collection, melt it in your large-capacity propane melting furnace smelter, and then pour it into the mold. Congrats, you are practically done, only 34.586 steps left! Once cooled, you will start constructing the base of the dojo by laying out 20 x 160-foot slabs and building upwards. To give your creation that historically accurate late 20th-century California coastal feel, make sure to add about eight Canary Island date palms around the perimeter. I would start growing them about five years in advance to get the perfect desired height. Now that the plastic casa is finished, you can start introducing the horses. I would personally sign up for a wild horse domestication program, which you can find at all the best-thoroughbred horse breeders. I find this is the best way to acquire adequate accessories for your costume. Think of all the admiring looks you will get as you tour your structure around the neighborhood on your flatbed tractor-trailer (I would use the one from your organic farm). 

Moving on to my next brilliant idea, for all basic girlies going as a witch, let’s spice it up a bit. This year try going as a Salem witch trial victim. Start with your best English Puritan dress, bonnet, and apron. Make sure you own a pair of black Colonial Puritan 17th Century English historical shoes, preferably found in one of the original thirteen colonies. Easy right? Now, if you really want to go for the realism points, you could learn witchcraft. Finding an Intro to Sorcery class is fairly simple, I am sure they have a few up in England available just before the 31st. If I were you, I would also dump a bucket of water over my head to attain that drowned-in-a-river feel. Last but not least, cover yourself with blood! If I were you, it would be from the goat’s head you MUST carry around, it’s a head-turner for sure. This is the kind of costume that when you walk into a party, people will ask themselves, “Is she okay?”. And here’s the kicker, you don’t even know! 

Finally, this idea is for you and about four friends. Who doesn’t love the iconic Scooby-Doo team and the amazing adventures they embark on? This Halloween, instead of solving a crime, you’ll be committing one. This costume will take a bit of prep. First, take your mystery machine over to London, England. I would go as soon as June 6th, 1990, in order to really and I mean REALLY get ahead of the curb. There, locate the tower of London and wait until dark. At about 1 AM, take your jackhammer (which will fit snugly in your suitcase) and start drilling. Once you’ve come down about 20 feet, you should be well deep into London’s sewage system. At this point, you may notice a horrible odor but don’t you worry, that’s just the smell of a great costume. If you have properly done the research and printed out the necessary blueprints, pretty soon you should be right outside the vault. Now for the easy part, set off the explosives you smuggled in your shampoo and walk right in. Use your advanced Ninja skills to maneuver around the laser beams and voila! You have the Queen’s Jewels! In the unlikely event of avoiding capture, take your jackhammer and crush up the loot. If you have followed my directions word for word and step by step you should have a sparkly substance, ideal for your makeup. The last part of your Scooby Doo gang costume is a trip to Amazon, where you can order your desired outfit. Once it arrives, pair it with your unique eye glitter, and off you go! Have a Happy Halloween! 


Categories: Humor

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