Dennon Catches Up with Paul Brothers

By: Macy Dennon

News Editor

Tell me why no one told me that Jake Paul –– yes, Mr. It’s-everyday-bro –– is a professional boxer. For some reason, the internet somehow hid this glorious gem of a fact from me for far too long. The vast internet scares me because how is this man still relevant? How does he still have a career online? One could say I am scared. Please join me on a deep dive as I catch up on the Paul brothers. 

Okay, I’m about to expose myself to the world… I was a Jake Paul Fan; I think the specific name is Jake Pauler. I know, I know, you do not even need to think the insults you are wanting to throw at me. Believe me, I am thoroughly embarrassed. If you know me, no you do not. But anyways, I was a true stan all through fifth grade and I know I was not alone in that endeavor because I remember multiple conversations with my friends about his daily vlogs. You know who you are. 

But after that year, do not worry, I gained some sense and became a member of the Logang. Please tell me my sarcastic tone came through in that sentence because there is no world where I want people to think I was proud of that. The Paul brothers had me in my adolescence; I will never be proud of that, but I will not deny the truth. 

Moving on, imagine my shock when I found out that these brothers are still kicking. In fact, Logan is in the sports scene too as he signed with the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). I really hope no one goes through my search history right now. On top of his three million dollar Pokemon card, he also owns a DRINK COMPANY. I can not even with this. Prime energy is a drink company Logan started with the famous United Kingdom YouTuber KSI. Wait, these two also fought each other. Whoa, what did I miss. Okay, okay, so KSI and Logan fought in a boxing match, but Logan lost (that is so embarrassing) and from the feud they created a company. So apparently the world forgot about the video Logan made in Japan. Cool, cool. Good to know. 

Wow, I have found the cringy rabbit hole of the internet. Jake Paul was undefeated in boxing, but LOST recently:L. He had knocked out a few people, but none of them were active fighters, so basically Jake was just taking easy fights. Lame-o. Whoaaaaaaaaaa. KSI wants to fight Jake. The drama. So much is happening right now. Also, wait — so Jake lost, which is so embarrassing because he was like being really cocky and calling himself the best boxer. Yes, I watched an interview of Jake Paul — the things I do for hard hitting journalism.

You know what, I am done. No more. The Pauls plagued me as a child, but I will not let them plague me now.

Categories: Humor

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