Humor

Liu and Gruetter Enjoy Beloved Sweet Treat

By: Nadia Liu and Kate Gruetter 

Publication Relations Manager and National/World Editor

Different people worship different things. Old women worship cats, Barbz worship Nicki Minaj, and Kate Gruetter and Nadia Liu worship the exquisite Sweet Treat. Sweet Treat refers to the seven dollars Gruetter and Liu spend on Starbucks twice, thrice, and sometimes even four times a week. 

For Gruetter, a Sweet Treat is some variation of espresso, vanilla flavorings, and sweet cream cold foam. Liu’s idea is basically the same, plus a small splash of Chai. One cannot define the Sweet Treat as just a beverage. It is a lifestyle. The Sweet Treat lifestyle means being willing to pay seven dollars for seven minutes of heaven, and then seven weeks of hell when a forgotten, discarded coffee stinks up your car. 

Sweet Treat also demands impeccable timing. If ordered too early, the wonderful Sweet Cream Cold Foam topping is sure to melt; however, if ordered too late, an awkward period of sitting-in-the-car-anxiously ensues. One must order the Sweet Treat right before successfully exiting the school parking lot to ensure perfect timing. And even then, the timing is still up to chance. 

To obtain the magical Sweet Treat, it is necessary to leave school before traffic hits. Since Gruetter parks Fitz, her beloved car, on the street by the new tech building, nicknamed the “Sophomore Strip,” it is imperative to get to the car before the seniors start leaving the “Senior Lot.” Otherwise, the Sweet Treat drive by goes from a 20 minute expedition to a much longer adventure. This situation means that Gruetter and Liu must anticipate the bell — like runners at a starting line — and depart immediately when class is dismissed. The speed-walking pair wind and weave through gossiping groups and couples making out, all for their sensational Sweet Treat.

Sweet Treat must also be enjoyed in a specific location to fulfill the ultimate Sweet Treat lifestyle. One option is the home where Gruetter cat sits, where the pair enjoy their Sweet Treat in the presence of Alice, the 24-toed cat. The alternate location is in the car on the way home, with the windows down and Lorde blasting at obscene levels. However, drinking the Sweet Treat in the car can result in a spilled drink, which is a disaster that parallels the fall of Rome, and therefore must be avoided. 

While it seems dramatic, the amount of serotonin the Sweet Treat consistently provides is unfathomable to someone who doesn’t indulge in the lifestyle. When Liu is falling asleep in math, she thinks of the Sweet Treat she will get after school. When Gruetter’s already packed schedule overflows with another upcoming test or project, she reaches for the comfort of the Sweet Treat. To them, the Sweet Treat is medicine, an elixir that can remedy any problem or frustration. To them, Sweet Treat is love, Sweet Treat is life.

Categories: Humor

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