Bricker Recounts Iconic Buchanan Moments

By: Sidney Bricker

Media Production Editor 

This is all fake and made up. Principal Kevin Buchanan, Los Gatos High’s reigning sovereign, is nothing if he isn’t a major source of pride for our school. The following is my definitive list of Principal Buchanan’s top three most iconic moments:

#1: The time Principal Buchanan stood on the balcony at Sadies and considered whether or not to try crowd surfing. This was a time Principal Buchanan really lived up to his role of school mascot. It happened at LGHS’s 2022 space-themed Sadies dance, in the New Tech quad. We were all just milling about in circles, trying to enjoy our respective nights, when out of some shadowy recess strode Principal Buchanan to survey the Star Wars-costumed crowds. We were in shock. Principal Buchanan, a true school hallmark, was standing there before our very eyes. 

We began chanting his name. Principal Buchanan, his eyes glowing with eminence, was so pleased to be thus recognized that he began to climb over the balcony in order to jump off into the arms of the collective student body and crowdsurf. Mr. Cook stopped him because it was “not safe to leap into the arms of the collective student body and crowdsurf,” but we all maintain that we would have caught him like a gently falling feather. 

#2: The time I was walking down the main hallway during 5th period and no one else was around when lo and behold, out from a dark corner, stepped Principal Buchanan to perform treason and then gaslight me. Mr. Buchanan’s second most iconic moment, as it falls in my ranking, is one that no one else believes. This is because I was the sole witness. 

It was fifth period, and I was traipsing down the main hallway on some kind of extended bathroom break. Suddenly, from out of some unknown crevasse, leapt Principal Buchanan. At this point, he and I were the only two people in the hallway. He locked gazes with me and pointedly reached over and pulled the fire alarm. I just stood there open-mouthed. “It’s been me the whole time.” he said. “I’ve been behind every fire alarm this year.” NOT TO MENTION, he said all of this in a fully American accent. Not even a bit British! ‘I have simply got to tell someone, I really must,’ I was thinking. Eyes glimmering with malevolence, Principal Buchanan said “nobody will ever believe you,” in the most American, least British, accent I have ever heard. He was right. Despite no one ever believing me that it happened, I would consider this moment to be one of Buchanan’s most iconic.

#3 The time Principal Buchanan tried to graduate with the class of 2022, but the school board wouldn’t let him. This one is a strong contender. It was during last year’s graduation, during the K last names, as everyone was walking across the stage to have their names mispronounced, shake hands, and get their diploma from one school board trustee or another, that in between two names being called Principal Buchanan crept from out of some unexplored cranny and took to the stage. He must have gotten his first name confused with his last because he should’ve been walking with the B group, not the K group. Either way, he walked with such confidence across the stage, eyes simmering with pride at having completed the requirements to graduate, we almost didn’t notice it was him. 

However, the school board member that would’ve given him his diploma had he completed the necessary requirements to graduate wouldn’t hand it over, and he just stood there playing official-document-tug-of-war with her for a couple of minutes until one of the other school board members joined in against him and forced him to leave the stage dejected and ungraduated. This moment definitely contributed to his status as iconic in the view of the collective student body.


Categories: Humor

Leave a Reply