HUMOR: Meyers-Briggs Test Determines Swag Value

by Sophie Sullivan and Brynn Gibson

Opinion Editor and Graphics Designer

Every wayward soul with a superiority complex and narcissistic tendencies has most likely dabbled in the world of personality tests. If you’re cool, you took the test at 16Personalities and know exactly what your inner personality really looks like. Some are abysmal and some are pretty darn good. Please enjoy a comprehensive ranking of which personality type icons embody the most swag. 16 personalities, 4 tiers, and a whole lot of swag. Who will win? Read to find out.

Minimal swag: Sorry girlies, but these four didn’t even try. Didn’t even lift a finger. Not even a glimmer of swag off in the distance. If this is you, I’d be embarrassed.

  1. ISFJ (Defender): Defender is the only person I’d let call me sweetheart. Move out of the way, Ethan Sanders. Cute, but not swag in the least. It’s behavior I’d expect from my dead grandma.
  2. ENTJ (Commander): Who gave this she-devil a stick? Gained a few points for that ponytail flare, but lost them bc she isn’t flaunting it.
  3. ESTJ (Executive): Name one difference between this creature and Dolores Umbridge. What that ruler do though? 
  4. ENTP (Debater): Who gave Ben Shapiro the mic? I want to shave off his eyebrows.

Moderate swag: These four kindred souls may not have the best and brightest drip, but they all have that one accessory or one piece that really makes them stand out. Maybe tweezers? A ring pop?

  1. ISTJ (Logistician): It’s just Tim Gunn. A hottie on the low, but you did not hear that from us.
  2. INTJ (Architect): I actually cannot tell if this man is Albert Einstein or Joseph Stalin, but I’m kinda messing with that table. Do you think it doubles for pong?
  3. INTP (Logician): Not gonna lie, Logician looks exactly like my sister. You can decide if this is good or bad, but the heels/AirPods combo is actually flame.
  4. ESTP (Entrepreneur): Entrepreneur looks like he’d invite you to his gym’s pyramid scheme, call you boo thang, and then invade your personal space. But +5 for the finger guns. 

Medium swag: These young scholars may not be the drippiest of all time (DOAT), but they rank Medium Swag based on their aura alone. Their swag levels are absolutely off the charts simply because their spiritual presence transcends their physical appearances.

  1. INFJ (Advocate): I know his heart is in it, and that earns hella respect, but this is just Commander’s grandpa in a robe holding a slightly more bendy stick. Gandalf and Dumbledore would be equally appalled. Great energy, bad execution.
  2. ENFP (Campaigner): Look at this swag. Pinstripe pants? Boxy earrings? I dig this HARD. They be doing their own thing and just compel respect from me. Not maximum, but noteworthy. Brownie points for dying their eyebrows green to match their hair.
  3. ESFJ (Consul): Consul has big family friend/uncle energy and I am absolutely rocking with it. He may not be as drippy as possible (ADAP), but he definitely looks like the swag Clubhouse Advisor who would drive you home from practice if your mom forgot you existed.
  4. 5. ISTP (Virtuoso): Is Virtuoso holding a gun or a power drill? Why not both! He really channels Bob the Builder and Handy Manny into one cohesive fit. Don’t even get me started on the WINK.

Maximum swag: Swag is not something you achieve, but something you are. To be truly swag, one must transcend material decoration to embody not only the true meaning, but the spirit of swag itself. These four exemplify this fundamental truth. They also def know Snoop Dogg, and I’m rockin with that.

  1. ENFJ (Protagonist): Mans respects women. Bet he knows how to coupon too. However, he is also 100% bald. 
  2. INFP (Mediator): TBH Mediator has got mad drip all around. Besides the braid in her hair, the jewels around her head, the butterfly presence, and the pinwheel, she is definitely on some kind of mind-altering substance.  
  3. ISFP (Adventurer): The square earrings and spiky hair speak volumes –– it’s practically barking at me. Idk where the paint is supposed to go, but I just know they didn’t put it on their overalls to seem artsy. Adventurer is the real deal.
  4. ESFP (Entertainer): FAAAAT DOAT ENERGY. The maracas? The foot pop? The grey streak in her hair? The SMILE? PLEASE, homegirl radiates swag. She doesn’t just look the part. She is the part. She’s living her own life, all swagged up. I’d say I aspire to be her but actually, I already am her.

If you’re mad, you’re probably in the minimal swag tier. Please take it up with our customer complaint line: (202) 456-1111

Categories: Humor, Lifestyle

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