HUMOR: Davidson and Evans Take on the Maze

by Cara Davidson and Alex Evans

Public Relations Manager and Local News Editor

What do you get when you mix Ki Hong Lee, Thomas Brodie Sangster, and Dylan O’Brien? Attractive men. Also, a Maze Runner obsession. We’re sure most people are aware of the book and film series The Maze Runner. If you are not, it features a huge maze that the previously mentioned attractive men must escape. While they are not hauling booty within the walls of the maze itself, they live in the Glade, a little rural village. So, here is what would happen if we, Cara Davidson and Alex Evans, were in the Maze Runner. 

To set the scene, we arrive in a boujee metal box that has barf residue in it, but from one of the cute boys, Thomas (Dylan O’Brien), so it is okay. Smells like DOB (Dylan O’Brien) in here. Eyebrow man Gally looks at us so judgmentally, because we are Greenies — AKA newbies to the town where everyone lives. Not gonna lie, out of five stars, we would give this place like two; we have to sleep in hammock beds which fall in the middle of the night. But not to worry, Newt offers to share for the night. 😉

About a week later, a new member enters the Glade: Theresa. We instantly have mad beef. She’s Australian (meaning she’s not a girl boss smh), and she looks at Thomas a little too flirtingly. So there is only one thing to do: kill her. We are the girl bosses of the Glade; no one gets between us and the ability to seduce Zart (big man of the Glade). 

Knowing us, we tell everybody that we are super fast runners just to get some quality time with Minho and then run for two minutes and say: “Guys wait wait I need a breather.” **queue track practice flashbacks ** The Creek trail fears us, but the Maze is definitely a step up… 

POV: You see your first Griever (big half-monster half-robot that will give you a deadly virus), and it is scary, but not nearly as scary as people who enjoy Grey’s Anatomy. It’s 17 seasons and the actors aren’t even good-looking. We realize that the Griever is lowkey hot. We form a plan. Step one: slowly seduce the Griever. Step two: fancy dinner in the glade with Mr. Griever. Step three: for the first time in your life, you finally find love. You finally feel the loving touch of another human. Well, super sexy monster, but same difference. 

Jk, this is just a daydream; we actually have to run for our lives. 

Oh no! D-man (Dylan O’Brien) says we MUST leave the maze! Alex, Cara, and Chuck (the dweeb of the Glade) are the #ultimatepowerteam, until, spoiler alert, Chuck doesn’t really live anymore. Oh yeah. We also die. Gally, the main man around the Glade, is a freaking CRANK! And kills us lol. It was coming sooner or later, but unfortunately has to happen at the hands of Gally. #gameover #rebootvan #victoryroyale.

Categories: Humor, Lifestyle, Web Exclusive

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