by: Siyona Singhal

Humor Editor

“Brainrotted.” “Chronically online.” These labels are tossed around like jokes, but few people pause to consider the reality behind them. No one talks about the daily challenges the chronically online face. What’s effortless for others can feel nearly impossible for the professional scroller. As someone who’s considered by many to be brainrotted and a master of scrolling, I feel qualified to educate the public on what it’s actually like to be chronically online. 

First, no one ever understands you. Try to imagine talking to your friends and pulling out the perfectly relevant reference just to be faced with silence and a side eye. Just the other day, I found $1 in the back of my phone case and turned to my friend to sing “I got like hella money,” and she just stared at me. I awkwardly sang it again, catching the eyes of spectators walking past us, and still nothing. If only the world knew how funny I really am. By the time I pull out my phone to show them the video I’m referencing, they don’t even remember the joke. The only people who understand members of the chronically online community are other chronically online people. 

There’s an unspoken responsibility I carry as the token brainrotted friend. Someone has to stay up to date on the latest audios, trends, and internet lore. If I don’t scroll, who will? You see me bringing up a niche reference and getting everyone to laugh, but what you don’t see is the hours of work that go into it. Oh, you want to go to bed before midnight? Well, too bad you have to stay up until you’re up to date on all the Floptropica lore and can recite the “Will you wear wigs” interview with Elijah Wood word for word. The biggest beef steak you can make is missing an important pop culture moment and tarnishing your reputation forever. 

This lifestyle comes at a cost. My attention span is absolutely decimated. Sometimes I sit in class wishing I could put my teacher on 2x speed. My brain is constantly jumping from one thought to another, preventing me from forming a full idea before moving on to the next. Last year,  I couldn’t even sit through an episode of a show without playing Block Blast on the side. Unfortunately, my ex-friend Hayley Strahs took a photo of me doing this and sent it to the whole El Gato group chat. My parents refuse to pay for Netflix without ads, and I often find myself spending the one-minute ad break scrolling. One time, I challenged myself to actually watch the ads instead of picking up my phone. I couldn’t do it. 

Scrolling is not all bad, though. There are so many memes out there that have changed people for the better, for example, the recently found “but, why?” penguin. When I first saw that video, I almost cried; when he was found dead, I actually sobbed. The “but, why?” penguin is more than a random mammal; it’s a symbol of dedication and never giving up on what you want. On top of that, chronically online people are full of so much random knowledge. I may not be able to get a good grade in math, but I can tell you all the steps to making Indian rocket soda. 

So the next time you call someone  “brainrotted” or “chronically online,” remember: behind the screen is a person carrying the heavy burden of cultural awareness. Pretend to understand their references, laugh when they bring up 365 buttons, and support them when they keep yelling “city boy” while you’re trying to have a normal conversation.