by Jane Wilde

Humor Editor

Warning: Spoilers Ahead for you

I’m a sucker for bad shows. My philosophy is, if it won an award, I won’t watch it. Emmys are for wannabe artsy filmmakers who want to make “good” shows. Who wants a good show?!  I’d much rather endure three seasons of fast paced rubbish that make me want to throw my remote at the TV. So, you could assume that when I found Prime Video’s The Summer I Turned Pretty, I was hooked. I don’t consider myself a fan, but more as a captive. No matter how excruciatingly cringy the episode is, I always find myself thinking “same time next week?”

The show follows Belly (short for Isabella, because for some reason Belly is a better choice than Izzy), a young girl from Pennsylvania, and her infatuation with two brothers (Conrad and Jeremiah) whom she has known her whole life. After the brothers’ mom dies from cancer, the first thought that occurs to Belly is “how can I make this about myself?” She’s given two choices: be with the super senior in credit card debt, or date the well-accomplished doctor at Stanford. Take a wild guess who she picked. If you guessed the raging manchild in debt, unfortunately, you’d be correct. I swear there’s never been a protagonist harder to root for than Belly Conklin. She makes decisions as if she’s in a training camp for reality TV stars and then cries about it for half an episode. God forbid the consequences of her own actions exist. 

In the latest season, Belly and Jeremiah get engaged in their early 20s. When Belly shows off her ring, the size of a dust particle, to their families, they are rightfully against the wedding. This becomes the first main conflict of the show. It’s such a fixable problem, I just couldn’t stay invested in the plot. Just wait a few years to get married?? To top it all off, Jeremiah is a literal joke. He looks as if Belly wished her doll to life, like an uncanny Snapchat filter and a Bang energy drink ambassador all in one. Not to mention that buddy thinks he is the chocolate connoisseur, Willy Wonka himself. When Belly couldn’t afford a three tier chocolate cake with strawberry glaze for the wedding, Jeremiah lost his marbles because he insisted “the cacao is the bean.”

The wedding was an obvious mistake, but I swear I could smell the red flags from episodes away. For starters, Jeremiah cheated on her, and then directly after she found out, he got down on one knee and proposed. Yet, when Conrad is emotionally unavailable because his mom is dying of cancer, Belly calls him heartless. The math is not mathing. I’m at a point in the show where I equally despise Belly and Jeremiah, so honestly, they deserve each other. 

DO NOT get me started on the overly specific soundtrack choices. I won’t lie, the soundtrack takes quite the budget, featuring artists like Ariana Grande and Charli XCX. Episode 9 made it evident where the money is coming from, considering the whole thing was a shameless product placement ad for Apple’s AirTag. The writers need to understand that no one wants to hear Snow on the Beach by Taylor Swift when it starts snowing on the beach or Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo when she finds out Jeremiah cheated on her with a girl named Lacy. Something about it makes me cringe every time.

I know I’m being contradictory and cynical, and you’re probably wondering if I even like the show. The hard truth is, despite the questionable dialogue and painfully bad decision-making, I’m addicted. As invested as I am in seeing if she chooses Conrad or Jereimiah, I have a strong feeling she is going to choose self-love. I’m all for a progressive moment, but if Belly chooses herself after all of this, I’m filing a class-action lawsuit.