By: Nelson Kramer

Humor Editor

Becoming a junior in high school was the biggest culture shock I have ever experienced. If nothing else would convince freshman Nelson, who romanticized getting more involved in school, I think the second semester of junior year would do the trick.

I feel cheated, deceived, and forlorn as I sit in my room writing this while my world comes crashing down a little more each hour. “Want to go to bed?” Nope, the anxiety that you have suppressed all day finally hits you. “A shower will make me feel better.” Nah man, you forgot to study for that big unit test, and now it’s manifested itself into a sleep paralysis demon. “Maybe plan a day ahead of time and get to studying right after school.” Dude, what time? No matter what happens, no matter how hard you plan, struggle, lock in, study, and further question yourself internally, you won’t win; you can’t win. 

How can anyone possibly manage to be a second-semester junior and also be a functioning human being at the same time? While you show this article to your therapist—whom you have no time for—as it perfectly voices the pain you struggle to express, I want to talk about the next “boss level” challenge for the class of 2026: the SATs.

First things first: there’s prepping for this stupid test. Raise your hand if you actually have the time to sit down and study. Anyone who raises their hand can stop reading this article right now; I hope they feel excluded. The pressure from AP classes in the second semester does not mix well with starting college applications, let alone SATs. I literally have an ulcer on the right underbelly of my stomach because of a regular junior-year schedule.

Let’s not forget the copious amounts of college emails, which are building a literal wall in my email box. “Oh, you took the PSAT once?” Get ready for emails from every college in the United States. I mean, c’mon. If I wanted to know about Ohio Valley University… Oh wait, I don’t.

Who was going to tell me that this wasn’t even the worst semester? I found out a few weeks ago that the first semester of senior year is five times hotter than the hell I am currently experiencing. This reminds me of the time I got hurt in preseason training for Track and Field (tell me you’re a weakling without telling me you’re a weakling).

When it is finally all over, you get the mid-score that you’ve always wanted, and here comes college. Whoops, all that time you spent studying for the SAT you really should have used to start a non-profit organization, and while you were doing that, solving world hunger was kind of the bare minimum. What’s next? Will I be the first person West Valley Community College rejects? Maybe it’s just me, but I think a gap year traveling through India sounds pretty good or maybe going straight to military boot camp after graduation; I hope you know I have no intention of coming back.