Bagora Has an Existential Crisis

By: Esha Bagora

Public Relations Manager

I like to be a busy person. When my day is typically spent doing monotonous daily tasks, I rarely find myself with free time, time when I have absolutely nothing to do. No new Netflix show or Colleen Hoover book or inkling to re-organize and donate my entire closet. When I find myself completely devoid of any possible thing to do, my boredom manifests itself in the form of questions — questions that haven’t been answered. Despite searching the deepest depths of Quora, Reddit, and Wikihow, I haven’t come across a specific and proper answer to any of these. So, I offer you, dear and loyal El Gato reader, my most burning questions in the hopes that you can answer them.

Who invented the concept of language? Who woke up one day and was like “OMG I need to tell other people how I’m feeling?” and then just came up with the language of whatever region they were in? How did language become uniform, and even today, how does and which one person knows absolutely everything about any one language? 

Is God real? What is the purpose and meaning of my life, and how do I figure out what it is? How do we know that we are actually alive and not brains in a lab that are being stimulated to visualize the world we THINK is around is?  Why am I here? How do I know that I’m not in a coma right now? What proof do I have that I’m real and that you’re real and not just a figment of the imagination of my lab-brain? 

What if aliens are real, but they’ve gaslit the human race into believing that they’re not real and are actually mind-controlling us? How do we know that we are not aliens? What if the human race invaded planet Earth millions of years ago, at the beginning of human history, and the human leaders at that time decided to wipe everyone’s minds and make us start over on this planet so we could never fully comprehend or advance our collective intelligence and technology?

Who controls the stock market? It does not make sense that Elon Musk buys Twitter, and the stock price just goes down for funsies. There has to be someone who is deciding the prices of stocks in accordance with the news because, mentally, it makes sense that when the Russia-Ukraine war started, Russian-based companies experienced a drop in stock price. But, logically, I cannot comprehend how that happened. Who made that happen? If I could insert the face with the raised eyebrow emoji, I would. 

Someone has to know, and I need to be in-the-know too.

Categories: Humor

Leave a Reply