Humor

HUMOR: Gibson Ridicules Concept of Work Ethic

by Brynn Gibson

Graphics Designer

This might come as a bit of a shock, but like most of the people reading this, I attend school. However, unlike my peers, I refuse to submit to the perpetual cycle of bland and lame intelligence intake. Instead of paying attention or completing things on time, I like to make things as interesting as possible.

What most would call an aggressive lack of focus, motivation, and work ethic, I would call a blessing in disguise. Most probably don’t realize how fun it is not to write an essay, but instead tape pencils together into a very long stick. 

You see, I have much better ways to spend my time than working at a reasonable hour… like building a mini castle out of yerb cans for my cat to sit in, or pretending I am a member of the recently disbanded techno-pop musical group Daft Punk as I sit in my backyard in my astronaut helmet. In the time it takes most to read the Euro chapter on WWII, I can be in Minecraft creative mode building a fully functional waterpark for my 27 dogs. 

Why would I actively spend time during my waking hours doing things that are no fun? It’s usually not even my fault. If I sit down to start my work, often I physically cannot bring myself to begin. I gotta lotta trinkets on my desk. And every single one of them has more swag than my French homework. 

Which has the most swag? We’re gonna find out rn. Smallish plastic sheep is a massive homie. Tiny porcelain mariachi hat?? MAJOR POINTS. I also have an Easter egg from 2012 that bears an uncanny resemblance to one of my teachers (I cannot say which). Then of course there’s my fidget spinner. He’s been with me through thick and thin. I think its presence in my 6th-grade math class was the sole reason I failed the Algebra placement test. Or maybe it was the fact I got accused of cheating (I swear I defo wasn’t) and the teacher made me relocate from the lunch tables to the stage in what I can only describe as a walk of shame.

You’d think my lack of initiative to do work would generate a lot of stress, as I actually often have a lot to do. But you’d be wrong! As long as you aren’t doing an assignment actively, it’s quite easy to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Sadly, after at least one to three business days, I do eventually arrive at doing my homework. This is where super fast speedy mode kicks in. And oh boy am I off to the races. Call me Guy Fieri’s shirt because, baby, I’m on fire! Last semester I managed to write an essay between three and five AM and still churn out a 91 percent. Who needs time management when you can function perfectly well on pure adrenaline and no sleep? 

Assignments due at 8:30 are my fav. Playing the game “how long can I wait to start this and still turn it in?” is always a pleasure of mine. Honestly, I blame the teacher if my essay comes in at four AM. If you didn’t want me to work on it till the wee hours of the morn then you should’ve made it due at midnight. If I sense weakness in the teacher, my undiagnosed ADHD finds places where it can sparkle extra bright.

Categories: Humor, Lifestyle, Web Exclusive

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