Humor

Morley picks up new hobbies during shelter-in-place

By Emerson Morley

Graphic Designer

Now that school is no longer a thing that… exists… I have taken it upon myself to learn. This revolutionary idea began upon the realization that I have absolutely nothing to do. I finished all of the shows I had been binging, been down four separate YouTube rabbit holes, and lost my self confidence to Tik Tok. My boredom had reached a point where I had begun to craft hand written letters to my El Gato compatriots. People editor Jackie King has been mailed a letter crafted of newspaper and magazine cutouts because it seemed only in dire times should I write a letter in ransom note format. Said letter also included a close up image of my deformed left pinkie toe. That isn’t relevant but I felt I should include it as it really brought my artistic vision together. 

Picking up new hobbies is a wonderful way to kill time during this lockdown, and other than my ransom note writing, I’ve also made a hobby of looking for cool rocks in my backyard. Unfortunately, there is not much diversity in my collection of rocks. It also turns out once you have collected rocks, you cannot do anything with them. They do not move. They just take up space. My rock friends have been relocated back to their original habitat with the exception of a single pebble named Winston. I drew eyes on Winston and enjoyed his company for only a few short hours before becoming uncomfortable with his piercing gaze and Winston too was thrown back to his home to join my other rock rejects. 

With Winston gone and four other ransom notes written, I needed a new plan. Thus began my decision to undertake exercising. I tried to do workouts on my own and only succeeded in becoming distracted by my own left pinky toe and thoughts of how Jackie would react to my letter. So, I opened YouTube and scrolled through some workouts, hoping someone guiding me was the key. I settled on a quick twenty-minute exercise plan and began. Within seven minutes I was wheezing, sweating, and laying on my almost-brand-new yoga mat debating why I was even trying. I did not come to a conclusion that warranted the continuation of my workout so I went back inside to consume not one, but four chocolate chip cookies. 

I hope my experiences in learning new skills and creating new hobbies can help some poor reader out there generate some ideas of their own. I still have some thinking to do on how to survive the next few weeks. For now, I’m going to go retrieve Winston, make him a hat out of sticky notes, and mail him to some unsuspecting soul.

Categories: Humor

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