Elizondo Offers Vacation Advice

by Sami Elizondo

Culture Editor

After February break, I am convinced that students and staff members alike need to get out of Los Gatos. Luckily, I am a professional vacation planner and, after much thought, I have covered every single base when it comes to booking a trip. So – with my advice in mind – when the next opportunity arises, you will be perfectly prepared to grab your bag and passport and hit the road.

First, ditch the chargers and go for a more unplugged type of vacation vibe. Watching whatever battery life you have left on your phone slowly deplete until you are left with only the reflection of yourself and a couple of tears on the black screen may sound awful, but once you get past the first couple of hours, you will feel reborn. Plus, having absolutely no navigation software available to you means that you have to call up grandpa and ask for one of his huge paper maps. That map is most likely hidden under inches of dust and cobwebs somewhere in an attic, but this fun game of hide and seek will get you in an adventurous mood before you get away. Bonus points if grandpa decides to come with you on your vacation; the alarmingly loud snoring and scent radiating from his dentures is sure to keep you awake on the road.

Next, pack only what you can in a brown grocery bag. You know, the ones that they offer you at check out lines. I find that utilizing these limits the amount of junk that you can bring with you, which is good for the whole detox aspect of your getaway. However, I will warn you in advance that this limited space will present you with some difficult choices. The last time I used this method, I found myself choosing between shampoo and my Uncle’s limited edition conch shell. Keep in mind I was going to New York City and therefore the only logical decision was the conch shell.

Lastly, only visit places that have fewer than 3 stars on Yelp. Yes, the higher rated hotels are probably cleaner and safer, but the whole point of leaving town is to get out of your comfort zone. Anything with one or two stars is sure to provide you with an experience that will be hard to forget. When I was in New York, I was on a mission to find the lowest rated seafood restaurant in the city. I will never forget Mr. Crab’s All You Can Eat Seafood. The waiters were all dressed like Spongebob characters and the bathroom had live fish in the bathtub. I spent a lot of time there after eating the octopus burger. Definitely a must if you plan to be in New York anytime soon.

There you have it. Whether you find yourself on a tropical cruise or in the middle of the tundra, these travel tips are sure to improve any of your vacation endeavors.


Categories: Humor, Web Exclusive

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