Evans guesses how the signs spent their V-Day

by Jordan Evans


Lovers all across LG celebrated Valentine’s Day yesterday, and El Gato can bet how you spent your day based on your Zodiac sign.

Capricorn: You don’t really know your “boyfriend” because you guys only started dating two weeks ago (you just couldn’t be alone for another V-Day), so you played 20 Questions in his basement until his mom kicked you out because it was his bedtime.

Aquarius: Emotions are for those who fall victim to the capitalist scheme of roses and chocolate. You know what’s way better? Getting your math homework done the night it’s assigned and going to sleep on time.

Pisces: Totally forgetting it was Valentine’s Day, you had to make some last-minute plans and hope your girlfriend wouldn’t notice. FYI, as soon as you rolled up to Oak Meadow for your “romantic picnic” next to the crowd of preschoolers, she definitely noticed.

Aries: The Internet-inspired decision to get tickets to the zoo and surprise her with a bouquet of chicken nuggets landed you a three-month extension on your relationship.

Taurus: You told him you didn’t want to go out tonight, and even when he suggested ice skating, you were too stubborn to admit you changed your mind. I’ll have a microwave dinner with a side of grudge, please!

Gemini: Why get yourself a significant other when you’re in the company of your multiple personalities? You were a much cheaper date by yourself, too.

Cancer: Meatball sauce attacked your girlfriend’s white dress, but you totally impressed her when you pulled a Tide pen out of your glovebox.

Leo: People say you’re self-centered, but they obviously don’t know you. You didn’t hit your boyfriend with that banana peel in Mario Kart, and you even gifted him a framed picture of you guys at his birthday dinner (after you cropped out his family).

Virgo: You decided to step out of your comfort zone and surprise her with dinner you cooked yourself, but you got a little too excited and forgot to preheat the oven. Do you tip the DoorDash guy more on holidays?

Libra: Would your boyfriend like the corduroy skirt or two-tone jeans better for your date to laser tag? How about not taking so long to decide that you missed your time slot? Looks like it was another stay-at-home V-Day for you guys; at least he’s got Netflix!

Scorpio: You weren’t so sure about your girlfriend’s suggestion to see a scary movie on Valentine’s Day, but it turned out to be okay when she was squeezing your hand the whole time.

Sagittarius: Long-distance never felt so rough, but at least he got your roses before they wilted in the mail truck. Thankfully your Wi-Fi was reliable enough for your romantic FaceTime!

Categories: Humor, Web Exclusive

Leave a Reply