by Ryan Manseau
During the 2016 Olympics in Rio, Ryan Lochte and a few other swimmers had an altercation with some local Brazilians wielding police badges. According to Lochte’s initial story, he and his fellow swimmers were held at gunpoint and robbed. Lochte also claims that he played the hero role in this story, refusing to lay down when the criminal told him to. After Lochte’s story was investigated, however, he eventually confessed to making up parts of the story. Lochte’s situation only gets worse, as a tape was recently released of him peeing in the diving pool that turned green during the games.
While the investigation continued, Lochte traveled back to the USA and claimed he was also assaulted on the plane ride. Lochte claimed, “He [the assaulter] looked at me and out of nowhere started beating me, even after I was screaming for mercy.” When really, his teammate just swatted a fly off of his arm.
The next week, Lochte lost many of his endorsements including Speedo, Ralph Lauren, Airweave and Gentle Hair Removal. But, things aren’t all bad for Lochte as he has been offered the main role in the the 2017 film, “Liar Liar 2.”
Later that week, Lochte was interviewed about his experience in Rio. He was asked “What was going through your head at the time of the altercation?”
Lochte responded, “I was terrified, it was almost as scary as that time Hilary and I got shot in Bosnia.” Lochte was then asked, “Now that the Olympics are over, are you planning to take up any hobbies besides swimming?” Lochte responded, “Yes, I plan to begin my career as a rapper under the show name: Swim Shady.” Lochte was later accused of copyright enfringement by Eminem who claims that Lochte stole his hair style, and that his name very closely resembles Slim Shady.
Lochte’s luck began to turn after a tape of him dancing to “It Wasn’t Me,” by Shaggy was released. The video went viral, and his dancing was so good that he was selected for the next season of “Dancing With the Stars.” Lochte has an opportunity for a fresh start as a dancer, as long as the Brazilian police don’t hunt him down between now and the next season of “DWTS.”
(Bleacher Report, The Washington Post, Miami Herald, The Oregonian)