Media and PR Team
Essays: a stereotypically tedious part of any English class. An exhausting process, and one that teachers attempt to improve by inventing the group essay. In theory, this assignment may seem like the easy way out, but surprisingly, this “simple” shortcut develops an unbreakable bond among four ordinary high school students. Each essay group develops a clique not dissimilar to the John Hughes’s teenaged Core Four.
First up is the Leader, or in our 90s parallel, the Queen Bee. The second you sit down, off they go, spinning out assignments and planning the essay like it is the determining factor (between life and death) of their college acceptance. Stress radiates off them, a combination of sweat and talking at 2x speed, but you will never actually see them working. Constant nagging, hovering, or looking at their to-do list for other classes is the standard for this member. Beware, as this person has the potential to lead the group to an A+ success or, on the flip side, a grade that sinks your average for the entire semester.
Next, we have the Slacker, or the equivalent of the Bad Boy/Girl. The name says a lot about this student: this member will do little to no work. However, do not immediately draw your own conclusions, as this rebellious student brings an important trait: comic relief. You can always count on the Slacker to crack a joke, tell the Leader to “take a chill pill,” or simply propose taking a break five minutes into the work period. While this member may be frustrating, they are essential to the group’s emotional dynamic.
Thirdly, the Brainiac, a staple in any ’90s rom-com, and a staple in this essay group. The Brainiac is a diligent worker, churning out theses and metaphors like it is second nature. Either quiet as a mouse or spewing out every thought that crosses their mind, the Brainiac is inherently dependable. In their mind, they were born to be in advanced English, and receiving A’s on everything is the sole way to affirm this destiny. Possibly the best member of the group, or possibly the reason AirPods are necessary, the Brainiac is integral to the essay’s completion.
Lastly, we have the Survivor, represented by the Best Friend in movies. Probably in this class for reasons unknown to even them, the Survivor’s main goal is to squeak by. Whether that means flying under the radar or doing everyone else’s work, the Survivor will adapt to the situation. Despite the lack of actual passion, the Survivor will typically end up finishing the Slacker’s work and revising with the Leader, ensuring there will be a final product and filling in gaps left by other group members.
Four students, many hours, and endless conflicts later, an essay is produced. The quality may be uncertain, and the equal distribution of work is a definite fail, but the final product is on the teacher’s desk. The four students will inevitably go their separate ways, but every time they pass, memories will come back with just one glance. Essays are temporary, but group essay groups are forever.
Categories: Humor