By: Megan Hastings

Public Relations Editor

All of the tears, all-nighters, and in-class essay crash-outs over the past four years have all led to this moment. No, not college acceptance or graduation. Senior Assassin. My impatience has culminated into my goal to win. And this time I am not playing around. If there’s one thing I will accomplish aside from bagging an Ivy League acceptance letter, it is that pot of gold: over two-thousand dollars. Because I would never reveal my secrets to my opponents, this serves more as a guide to prospective underclassmen. Stay safe out there. 

Strategic Naps: You will never catch me lacking. When Senior Assassin starts, your daily routine is completely upended, including sleep. My daily after-school naps can no longer be routine. I’ve trained myself to get up and walk to the kitchen, open a fridge, and chug a Mango Passionfruit Celsius every time I feel my eyelids get heavy. I’ve even started setting my phone alarm for random intervals throughout the day to keep my body on high alert. The only downside is that insomnia is funny, and sometimes my mom wakes up at 2:00 AM to my wandering around the kitchen, plastic water gun in hand. One time, my mom woke me up so suddenly that my fight-or-flight response was to spray water at her. So, yeah, just make sure to warn your loved ones about your strategic naps. 

Camouflage: No one will catch me off-guard. I’ve been working on the skill of remaining motionless when anyone walks in the room. This is also a good time to apologize to my classmates. Every time someone walks in, I more than likely look uncomfortable. It’s not you, it’s me. Actually even with my family around, I’ll stand in the center of my living room and try to stay hidden for as long as possible. The secret is to pretend that I’m a plant or a piece of furniture. It’s harder than it seems, particularly when your friends try to divert your attention by hiding beneath the couch cushions. I’m still improving at fitting in with the furnishings, though. A human chameleon with improved Wi-Fi, that’s what I am.  

Reaction Time: As someone with a very busy schedule, it’s easy to blindside me, which is why that will never happen. While I was working on my homework, I asked my mom to scream incoherently without warning. I immediately faltered and dropped my pencil, of course. Since then, I’ve always been prepared to protect myself by having a toy Nerf gun with me. My objective? To eliminate any arbitrary “attackers” before they even realize what’s hit them. It is comparable to having a miniature army of one. So far, the results have been mixed—my friend has yelled at me twice for shooting her with the Nerf gun while she was trying to cook dinner—but hey, it’s all about staying alert.

With around 5,000 dollars on the line, I find myself more motivated than I have ever felt in my life (yes, including college applications and SATs). If you see me around campus, don’t be alarmed if I flinch or flash crazy eyes at you; I’m all in.