By: Ainsley Northrop

Editor-in-Chief

Still looking for a Homecoming dress? Need some advice on what to get? With the dance just around the corner, I am here to offer you some expert tips for finding your dress. 

First of all, if you were planning to order your dress online, you are doomed. Just about every store has been sold out for months, and even though they claim they will “restock soon,” it is all a hoax. Looking online just gets your hopes up before inevitable disappointment. While Pinterest may have the dress of your dreams, chances are that the only color the website has in stock is that ugly beige pink with an unsettling flower pattern that nobody in the history of Homecoming has wanted. Even if by some magical luck your dress is in stock, it definitely won’t arrive in time for the big day. But think on the bright side. It is almost the perfect time to order your dress for next year! 

Now that we have ruled out official online stores, it is time to turn to the dark web. Sometimes a dress is so perfect that you have to get creative. Download the Google app on your phone and submit a picture of the dress. Behold! There is your dress in all of its glory. At least you hope that is your actual dress. Regardless, choose a link that looks promising and enter your credit card information. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never heard of the brand, yet somehow they are selling the exact dress you wanted. Ignore that they have stolen the photo from the real website, cropping it terribly in hopes of clearing their tracks. After all, the only thing that matters is the dress, so who cares if some website steals your personal information? Just hope that it actually delivers!

If the dark web fails you, I advise going to Macy’s or Windsor; both are not exactly high quality, but they will do the job. In fact, I have a three — about to be four — year streak of scrounging through these stores the weekend before Homecoming. Even last year, when I actually ordered something online, the deceivingly beautiful photo of the dress turned out to be a lie, and I resorted once again to the tried and true Macy’s and Windsor. Enjoy a somewhat large selection of the same sparkly dresses that leave a trail of glitter behind them each year. Just make sure you don’t end up twinning with someone – the dresses are so predictable that no matter what year you buy them, you could still end up matching.

Now, let’s discuss the most important issue of all: style. Please. I beg you NOT to opt for a giant bow. I mean come on… Are we in kindergarten? Also, heed my warning: just because that satin strapless dress with an open back looks gorgeous from the back, it does not necessarily look cute from the front. I keep almost falling for these dresses, only to find they look like an empty potato sack straight-on. Save yourself. Finally, I am not one to hate on brunch-style dresses, but there has to be a line. When you show up in a flowery informal dress, it makes the rest of us look overdressed. Take Homecoming as your chance to go big.