Humor

Kramer explains Football to Swifties

By: Nelson Kramer

Local News Editor

In light of speculation that Taylor Swift is dating NFL star Travis Kelce, Swifties must now know how American football works. As a dedicated fan myself, I traveled to the bro-side of YouTube and learned the sport, so you don’t have to! So how about you sit back, relax, put on your favorite album, and let me explain.

Defensive and Offensive: Just like in other sports, whoever has the ball is offense, and the people who don’t are defense. In football, the offensive team gets four tries to make a first down, which means moving 10 yards from where they started. If the offensive team fails to make a first down in four shots, they lose the ball to the other team. Similar to when Swift lost the trust of her fans in 2016, starting with the Kanye West song scandal, she turned defensive, but she got the ball back when she realest reputation in 2017. 

Strategy: Football is a strategy-based game. Like all strategy games, the play is based on the current condition of the game. In football, countless things could happen, like the other team being great at one play but garbage at another. Here lies the PlayBook, a real thing that has been coined to describe a strategy, a step-by-step advisory, or a guide of what to do in any situation. A physical playbook often resembles a binder of different method systems to play on the field. Think of this binder like Taylor Swift’s setlist at the Eras tour, and how she always plays her greatest hits, like Cruel Summer and Shake it Off, but she throws in surprise songs and acoustic songs in different sections of the show.

Point system: The point system is the most straightforward aspect to understand in football. First, we have touchdowns, when a player either carries the ball into the endzone or catches it when in the endzone. Touchdowns are like Swift’s songs Blank Space and Anti-Hero; they both have the biggest payout, with touchdowns earning a team six points. After a touchdown, a team can score an extra point by kicking the ball through a field goal. This would be equivalent to a perfect surprise song like Get Away Car. The final way to score points is a field goal, which a team can choose to kick from any down, but if they miss, the ball goes to the other team. Field goals can be a significant risk for little reward, only racking in 3 points. This is comparable to the risk Taylor Swift took when changing genres when she released her pop album 1989 on October 27, 2014

Streaming Football: Like the Eras Tour, not everyone can go see the game in person, but instead of relying on TikTok live streams to bring the joy of the concert to their homes, football fans use the NFL’s network of television channels to stream these games. 

Why?: Doesn’t it seem weird how something so widely liked by people across the country doesn’t appeal to others? Well, the reason these fans are so into the sport is because of the community. Just like you and your fellow Swifties bond at the Eras Tour and trade bracelets, two strangers can suddenly become best friends just by liking the same NFL team. After you understand the basic rules, the game is thrilling and fun to watch. To be a true Swiftie, you must embrace football and not leave it for only the bar-going men to enjoy.

Categories: Humor

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