Principal Buchanan Hates Foolin’

By: Sidney Bricker

Media Production Editor

Principal Buchanan just made an announcement using the school’s emergency broadcast system regarding any potential senior pranks that may take place this year. In case you missed it, we have chosen to reprint the message below so El Gato readers can review and comply with the administration’s expectations in the following weeks:

Subject: I am frightened

Greetings to our student body! This is Principal Buchanan, your principal here at Los Gatos High School, where I work. As you all may know, I am of fragile constitution and require delicate care in order to flourish in a work environment. I have been recently made aware of a phenomenon known as the “senior prank,” a demented adolescent tradition by which the graduating class of a high school comes together to enact something very near psychological warfare on their doting administration. I am writing today to let you know that I, and the rest of the LGHS staff, will be implementing a zero tolerance policy for ANY KIND of “foolin’” we may identify in the student body. I strongly advise each and every one of you to avoid foolin’ in any capacity. Students discovered foolin’ may experience some or all of the following consequences, depending on the magnitude of their infraction: 

  • Paying for Principal Buchanan’s (my) therapy for one month and sitting in on all 16 of his (my) visits that month in order to understand the harm they have caused to his (my) mental health. 
  • Cleaning Principal Buchanan’s (my) house, at 1153 Buchanan Dr, Campbell, CA 95008, as he (I) may be rendered incapable of even simple functioning in the emotional aftershocks of the student on administration terrorism many refer to as foolin’.
  • Writing a formal, yet still heartfelt and tender, apology to Principal Buchanan (me) and maybe even including an Amazon gift card so he (I) can purchase a new computer, as his (my) current one will have been ruined and waterlogged with tears in the aftermath of the student body’s cruel attacks.

Consequences are not limited to those previously mentioned, as I may require additional emotional support or feel the need to seek supplementary vengeance. I wish you all a pleasant end to the 2022-23 school year, a wonderful summer, and a modicum of self preservation instinct to lead you away from the path of foolin’. 

Stay frosty LGHS,

P. Buchanan

Categories: Humor

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