Hathaway Criticizes Her Past Spotify Wrapped

By: Dana Hathaway

Editorial Editor

Each year, I wait for the day Spotify Wrapped comes out with a mixture of anticipation and veiled dread. I don’t know what will show up there. Songs I forgot about, artists who are simply embarrassing to have on my list, and new genres that likely didn’t exist before December. Yet despite my impeccable music taste it is inevitable that something will come up on my Wrapped that makes me — for lack of a better word — cringe. Hard. So, in the ultimate act of self-humiliation, here’s a breakdown of the horrors present in my past four years of Wrapped.

2019: My VSCO girl moment, despite my lack of VSCO. This resulted in Old Town Road  (Lil Nas X) and boyfriend (Ariana Grande) making an appearance on my top five songs. Top genre? Dance Pop. Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi also somehow hit me right in my seventh grade feels!  The heartbreak was realest when that one soccer guy (it was a shameful phase) did not even know my name.

2020: Covid really brought out the worst in everyone, and I was no exception. Two words: Juice Wrld. I was apparently entering my sad girl era, one that I selectively choose to forget today. This phase is summed up by the fact that my number one song was The A Team by Ed Sheeran. It was followed by rock + roll (EDEN) which I actually highly recommend. Still falls in the soulful sad songs category though. In addition, exactly 31 of my top 100 were Christmas songs. I’m Jewish.

2021: Last year, I somehow managed to get Kanye West to my number one artist despite selectively listening to only three of his most basic songs (all of which were in my top five songs). Guess who followed him? Morgan Wallen. I distinctly remember crossing him out when my friend asked for my Wrapped in an attempt to save myself from death by ridicule. However, Arctic Monkeys also made an appearance. It’s not all negative. Just mostly. 

2022: I really got my hopes up this year. For the most part, my artists were excellent. Kendrick Lamar, Taylor Swift, Dominic Fike…Eminem?? Spring rowing season somehow overrode other artists for spot number five, despite the fact that I went on a strict no Eminem diet after the few songs I liked became synonymous with dying on the rowing machine. However, the most mortifying part is that Kanye West took the number one spot. Not only was he number one – I was in the top 0.3% of listeners despite not having AirPods for three months and completely stopping my Kanye listening after he, you know, attacked my religion. I found solace in the fact that I was a dedicated listener this year, albeit to the wrong person. Apparently, I also listened to Boom Stomp music this year. That’s a genre? Since when? I even “seized the day with Hype Lit Poetic.” Direct quote.

And so, here I sit, waiting patiently for another year in vain hope that I can, for once, take pride in my Spotify Wrapped.

Categories: Humor

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