National/World Editor
In a year filled with chaos, I have single-handedly recognized and battled a pressing issue. This matter simply does not get enough attention. It is at the core of our society. It is what we are made of. It is drinking water.
First of all, even a few sips of water are not as refreshing as you think it would be, so forget about choking down an entire gallon of it. The temperature of your water is critical. Water with ice may be much better than the disgusting feeling of lukewarm water traveling down your esophagus, but the ice freezes your insides. In the water-drinking world, this fact sparks a HEATED debate. Members fight over whether dying of a brain freeze is better than submitting yourself to the slimy liquid. There is absolutely no room for compromise.
Another issue is that water has different flavors depending on where you get it from. At the moment, COVID-19 has stopped this from posing a serious threat to water drinkers everywhere, but this is still a critical issue we must consider. Water has a varying pH, and while it may not seem like a monumental problem, if you are going to force yourself to drink a lot of it consistently, this difference in the acidity or basic taste is clear. Most water drinkers tend to prefer the H2O from their own home, and I can’t say that I disagree with the sentiment. It is not like I know where that water comes from, but hey, it tastes better.
Online school, already filled with constant awkward encounters, starts another water issue of its own. Have you ever gotten thirsty during online school? Personally, when that happens, I want to melt into a puddle. Picking up your hydro flask is no big deal, BUT WHERE DO YOU LOOK WHEN YOU DRINK FROM IT? I mean, if you are having a conversation, do you look at the person on zoom? Do you look up? Do you look out the window? Do you look into the bottle? It is an impossible puzzle to solve. I can’t explain how much time I think about this issue. Drinking from a water bottle is truly a sport. I don’t think that anyone can look attractive doing it, but which situation is the least awkward?
More than that, there is the issue of drinking from a water bottle WITHOUT A STRAW. I’m talking about the kind of top that is small enough to fit into your mouth. What do you do then? Do you stick the entire bottle top into your mouth? I mean, that seems unnecessarily awkward on SO many levels, but the thought of shoving your lips around that tiny opening is too painful to think about. The act of shoving your nose into the top of the lid seems no less embarrassing.
Overall, drinking water is hard, and in a world already increasing my social anxieties, I don’t need another thing to think about.
Categories: Humor, Web Exclusive