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HUMOR: Spelling is Unnecessary

by Brynn Gibson

Graphic Designer

I want to make this abundantly clear: spelling is a choice. And like all choices you make in life, it is not mandatory. Persoanlly, I do not see the point. Every time I write a paper, send a text, or draft a threatening ransom note, I am forced to hide my true inabilites. Yes, I admit I cannot spell for the lif eof me. Do I care? No! So why do you? 

To be honets, if I put my mind to it, I can spell most words. It just takes a second or two. The problem with this, howevr, is those precious few seconds take away from time that could be sent pursuing other avenues. Like writing the next sentence! I’ve moved on. Why can’t everyone else? Who gave the dicitonary the right to tell me that I have to go back and fix it? Literally, the stupif red line that shows up every time I type a word incorectly needs to check itself. So self-absorbed and attention-seeking. Honestly, it’s fan behavior. 

I think my shortcomeings as a speller really spice up the English langauge. Why can’t we push the boundaries of literarry letter placement? Break the mold! Sometimes I will start a word and not know how it ends, so I make somethung up. It’s so much more fun that way. You can’t rightfully look me in the eye and tell me that I can spell it as either “color” or “colour” but if I choose to write out “kolure” that is somehow incorrect? The hypocrisy. Hoenesly, I think it makes it more fun for everyone involved. It’s like a puzzle. What is Brynn trying to say this time? Who knows? 

Like all people, I do recognize the need for rules: basic gudielinse to prevent complete and total chaos. My rule of thumb is if the word tryes to autocorrect to the correct spelling, it should be left alone. I know fro a fact y’all will understand if the computer gets the gist. Why do I need to clarify the fact I am trying to say “accommodate” when I spell it like “accomidtate”? I feel the stupid one in that situation is you. Use your imagination. Make ovbservations and inferences. It’s not that hard. Just sound it out. I shoudln’t have to change just because you are needy. 

  I have evolved past the need to fully understand the spelling of phonetic language. I am not dumb, just superior in every way. All my errors are fixed at the press of a buton. If I tried, maybe I would lern to be more accurate, but I just don’t want to. And what would be the point? As I mentioned before, I have a love-hate relatesionship with spell-check. Miss thang often pisses me off, but to give her credit, she always comes in clutch. You might be thinking, “this girl is really one peanut short of snickers, really off her rocker. Doesn’t she know she won’t always have spellcheck?” But that would be where you are wrong, my friend. I have yet to encountur an assignnment that prohibits its use. And when that day comes: the day I ineviditebly get marked down, I will simply use manipulation and fear tactics to get my teacher to chnage my grade. So haha! I win. You lose. Get over it. 

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