By Amelia Enns
Hey squad, what is up. Anyone else dying of boredom in quarantine? Probably just me; you definitely haven’t seen anyone else talking about being bored and unproductive during this pandemic. I’m here to tell you some stories about my lovely mother and the activities she has tried to make me do during quarantine. Are these activities bad or unrealistic? No, but I’m a frequent Humor writer for El Gato; therefore, I have the right to complain and call it an article whenever I want.
Clean the house: Mom, I know that our cleaners aren’t coming, but we really don’t need to clean every toilet in the house and vacuum every other day. I will keep my room clean, sure. But I refuse to clean my hamster’s cage every week. I refuse to deep clean the sink every two weeks. It is simply not necessary. Do we have a cat who sheds? Yes. Am I still not going to vacuum my carpet or any other carpet in the house? Also yes.
Go for a run: Do you think I’m fat, Mom? If you think I’m going to do a single item of physical activity until quarantine is over, you’re wrong. Heck, I’m probably not going to do physical activity even after quarantine – besides the occasional Chole Ting ab workout, of course. I’m not running through my neighborhood past every family who suddenly has decided to run a marathon or teach their kids how to ride a bike.
Go downstairs to talk to my family: Mom. I’m not leaving my bed. These past two months have accustomed me to a lifestyle that I’m not willing to change. The only trips I make to go downstairs are for food, water, or petting my cat. The only time I descend into the kitchen is between 12 and 3 AM. Or maybe in the middle of the day for a quick, five-word conversation with my mom. “How are you?” “I’m chilling.”
Wash her car: Do I look like I’m going to go outside? And put clothes other than sweatpants on? Also, where have you been driving? The two minute drive to the grocery store is not through the Amazon Jungle, it’s through the Manor. Your car is not dirty. Maybe I will wash it for Mother’s Day because I love you, but any other day? No thank you.
Are these requests unreasonable? Honestly, yes, yes they are. If my mother thinks I will be doing anything other than watching Netflix and occasionally attending my zoom school calls, she is incorrect. I did dye my hair last week though, and I guess that’s something? But my mom asked me to clean the towel that I dyed pink on accident and I don’t know if I can do it. I hope someone else can relate to the unrealistic requests from their parents to do things; we’re in this together. Let’s ruin our family relationships with one “No” at a time.