Humor: Enriquez writes tips for celebrating St. Patrick’s Day

by Shannon Enriquez

Humor Editor

Spring is always the time of the year for new beginnings and fresh starts. With St. Patrick’s Day around the corner, America, yet again, will choose to ignore the spring stereotypes about new beginnings and fall into the repetitive, and what feels like ancient, St. Patrick’s Day traditions. Every year, America proudly celebrates this holiday without any context as to the true meaning of St. Patrick’s Day. With this guide of helpful tips and tricks, you too will conform to America’s meaningless ways of celebrating this holiday.

The San Francisco Parade: Drive up to the city and enjoy the annual San Francisco St. Patrick’s Day Parade. You and your friends will join thousands of other parade-goers in celebrating a holiday where, odds are, you aren’t aware of the purpose behind the holiday. Ask a stranger to take a Boomerang of you and your friends for your finsta, because how else would everyone know you were there? Be sure to wear green from head to toe; you wouldn’t want to be looked upon as foolish!

Pinching others who aren’t wearing green: We all know that one person who comes up to you and pinches you on your arm for not wearing any green on St. Patrick’s Day. This type of annoying occurrence typically starts and ends in the fourth grade, but I am sensing a recurrence. Yes, we may be in high school, and this may be childish, but it’s tradition. So suck it up.

Dye every item of food in your house a bright green color: Because who doesn’t love eating a serving of lumpy, green scrambled eggs? Don’t let your imagination stop there, because any object can be dyed green if you persist. Dogs, cats, even fish tank water are all just experiments waiting to happen.

Fly to Ireland: We teenagers are fortunate enough to live in the Silicon Valley, so why not take advantage of this and be spontaneous this St. Patrick’s Day. Travel to the place where St. Patrick’s Day originated… we think. Whether you decide to travel alone or with your friends, this trip to Ireland is bound to be shamROCKIN’! You’re in Europe, everyone has a cool accent, and everyone is dressed in eccentric green outfits: what more could you ask for?

Create a St. Patrick’s day shrine: If you’re feeling rebellious and wanting to stray away from the celebratory norms of America on this holiday, you may as well take it to the extreme. After doing your research on St. Patrick himself, create a shrine honoring his legacy. This could include, but is certainly not limited to, a picture of St. Patrick next to a photoshopped picture of you, the holy cross, and a map of Ireland. If you still feel as if this just won’t cut it, feel free to create a t-shirt with St. Patrick’s face plastered on the front of it, from some sort of meme, of course.


Categories: Humor, Web Exclusive

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