LG Moms Take on a PTA Meeting [Humor]


by Erin Grasty

Broadcast Editor

As recorder of PTA meeting #1, I, Helena Smith, swear that everything I shall record shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

We begin the first PTA meeting of the year with the Pledge of Allegiance, led by Rosa Anderson, PTA Vice President.

Nancy White stands at the podium and speaks, “As PTA President and a mother of three, I am excited to start this year’s very first Parent-Teacher Association meeting. Because this is our first meeting, the schedule will be slightly different from the other meetings we will have this year. For today’s session, we will start with announcements and upcoming events. The rest of the meeting will be open discussion, where we, as moms, can address our concerns to the school.”

Nancy sits down, and Rosa Anderson gets up again to tell the audience when the Kick-Off Game and Dance are taking place, that the school board meeting went well, and how the 2016 Ford Escape needs to stop parking in front of the the entrance to the cafeteria near the math and language building.

Open discussion begins promptly at 6:15pm. Before the meeting, mothers write their names on a slip of yellow paper and place it in a box. Then, Nancy pulls names at random to make a claim.

Candace Phillips is first to the podium. She pitches tryouts for the first ever mothers and daughters tennis team. This is a no cut team, but tryouts take place Aug. 29 to Sep. 1 to see what skill level the teams each have. Uniforms will be black Lululemon skirts and orange Lululemon athletic tank tops.

Then, Laurie Peterson stumbles to the front of the library with a child’s sippy cup in her hand. When Laurie reaches the front, she takes a heavy chug of the maroon colored liquid. She leans into the microphone causing everyone to hear her heavy breathing and slurs her words as she requests bamboo wood pencils, bathroom mats, more toilet seat covers, and hoverboards for the janitorial staff.

Pam Cook feels strongly about having the track open for public use during and after school hours so her fitness group, Work ‘Till Your Hammies Hurt™, can use the facilities. Cook claims that if the school allows her “crew” to use the track, then she will open the workout extravaganza to students as sports credit. Even though LGHS already has football, cross country, 7th period PE, field hockey, and half the sporting fields under construction, Cook feels that having the track available for Work ‘Till Your Hammies Hurt™ would be super useful.

Finally, Tammy Evans walks up to the podium, attempts to speak, begins sobbing, and runs out the door. The audience applauds.

Once the applause dies down, Nancy closes the PTA meeting by singing the Alma Mater for Los Gatos High School.

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