by Jordan Evans
The last time anyone saw the old Carly Shay was when she left for Italy to be with our dad, a colonel in the Air Force. I was thankful my sister was having great experiences with Dad, but had I known how much it would change her, I wouldn’t have been so glad.
Carly, my dear younger sister, returned to Seattle a different girl. She didn’t even say “Hi, Spencer!” when she saw me at the airport. In fact, Carly made me wait twenty minutes after she landed so she could buy a “one of a kind” vintage Penny tee she found in the terminal. When I finally spotted her, I could see she was different.
“Hey Carls! It’s so good to see you!” I exclaimed, ecstatic to see her after such a long time.
“The Wi-Fi in the submarine sucked,” she grumbled. “I haven’t been able to go on SplashFace for the past two weeks! I bet you Neville has said some pretty mean stuff. I hate that stupid hobnocker!”
“Woah, there. Let’s go to the Groovy Smoothie and catch up a little, huh?” I suggested. Worst mistake ever.
In the following weeks, Carly became dependent on her daily smoothie. She couldn’t function unless she went to the Groovy Smoothie at least every 24 hours. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to talk to T-Bo about cutting her off.
While things have been pretty rough, I haven’t had the heart to tell Carly about her friends. Sam is in jail (again), but this time it’s serious. The judge extended her sentence because she somehow smuggled two dozen Fat Cakes into jail. Sam then spent some time in solitary after hitting her cellmate, who asked for a Fat Cake, with a contraband butter sock. Honestly, though, I think Sam will be okay. After all, she’s pretty tough.
It’s Freddie I’m worried about. Post-iCarly, he got a lot of publicity for inventing some new video-editing technology, and he was doing pretty well for himself. Then, with all the interviews and attention, he starting acting really strange. He flat-out refused to say the number “one,” and he’s started to sue his mom for “emotional damages.” The current pending lawsuit is the third one this year, and it says she forced him to take too many tick baths.
Gibby took the ending of iCarly poorly. No one recognizes him anymore, and he’s resorted to taking his shirt off in public constantly. He tried creating his own web show where he just talked about iCarly, but he couldn’t figure out how to turn the camera on.
These kids have gone downhill since the web show’s end, but I guess failure is just a part of being a child star. I try to help Carly as much as possible, but I promised Socko’s grandma I’d take her camping this weekend. I hope I don’t see Chuck in the storage room!