by: Annabelle Pan
Graphics Editor

After eight long years of denying my fear of heights, I have moved on to my next stage of grief: bargaining. If I can’t erase my trauma through suppression, then I shall compromise with the fear instead.

The first trade-off I made with acrophobia, my irrational fear of heights, was on rollercoasters. I agreed to go on Great America’s Gold Striker so long as I never had to go on rides with upside-down portions. Horrible decision. I assign full blame to my sister for manipulating me into that harrowing experience. The wooden support beams sounded ready for retirement, and I was prepared to plummet to my death. The only good thing that came out of my suffering is that I can now control, or rather ignore, the screaming and crying of my stomach on moderately intimidating rollercoasters and drop towers.

My second deal was much more successful. I decided to give in to the intrusive thoughts that compel me to lean over the railings of multi-story buildings in return for a promise never to look out a glass elevator again. Hanging dangerously off a balcony is a perfectly safe thing to do since the railing is tall enough to prevent any clumsiness on my part. Let’s not talk about the way my heart starts jumping out of my chest when I lean too far forward. The point is that my second bargain was an overall win; those glass elevators are menaces to my sanity.

My third agreement with acrophobia was a bit extreme, but it will be the most successful. I say “will be” because I have yet to test my theory. Recently, I committed to going bungee jumping with some friends. I made a very long list of reasons why this is a good idea. Number one: It would be fun. Number two: Think about the Never Have I Ever potential. Number three: Although bungee jumping requires falling through the sky, I won’t actually hit the ground. Well, the equipment might break, or I might smack into a tree, or a mountain could suddenly form and stab me in the face — let me just stop myself there before the regret kicks in.

Anyway, let’s return to my list of reasons before I back out of this compromise. Number four: I’m not actually scared of heights; I’m only scared of falling and dying. Bungee jumping will be a great way to convince myself that high places do not equate to plummeting to my death. Number five: I would get to collect some blackmail as I watch my friends screech the whole way down. You might be thinking this could backfire on me when they record my experience instead. Fear not, I have already taken that into account. I don’t scream out loud when I’m scared of heights. I just squeeze my eyes shut and internally insult my past self. Clearly, bungee jumping is the perfect solution to all my problems.

Warning: I would not recommend trying any of my compromises with acrophobia; they only work if you lie to yourself. Everything said above holds no practical use since I only entered my bargaining phase to deny that I was in denial.