by: Noah Gloege
National/World Editor

Since my prime, A.K.A. my freshman year on the soccer and cross country teams, the state of my unc-ness has taken over my life. Instead of being as mobile and flexible as my classmates, I spend my days stretching before any exercise. However, this feels like it may be a worse idea than running into my clear backyard door, as stretching may be the most painful thing I have ever done. Sadly, if I do not partake in this form of torture, I will be wobbling around like a penguin for the rest of my days. The rest of my fellow high schoolers, who constantly talk about how they have never stretched before, can do any exercise they want. They don’t even know that the world’s greatest stretch is the pigeon pose, which, to be fair, I cannot even perform as it tries to turn me into a gymnast. I’m no gymnast.

The consequences I face from not doing these stretches become very evident following a run or any form of exercise. Over the years, I have grown used to limping around and learned to be cautious of any sudden movements to avoid hurting myself to the point of no return. The sound of my knees and ankles when I stand up is louder than my friends and me blasting that Taylor Swift album late at night. Sidenote: I haven’t listened to her since our Zumba dances during sanity breaks at El Gato press week. Those are the types of moments where I am able to cement my unc status.

A couple of weeks back, I found the best invention known to humanity: the heating pad. My realization of this fabulous invention was just pure gold. However, while this heating pad may ease the immediate pain after exercise, it doesn’t do much for long-term pain, but that might just be because I’m doomed. The heating pad has also saved me during my four-hour naps and makes me feel like a bus has hit me when I wake up, because I’m in such a deep sleep; some people worry I’m just in a coma. The idea of waking up with pain has become such a norm that it might as well be on one of those daily routine videos that have taken over social media. That is still a thing, correct?

Maybe the worst aspect of this constant aging pain is soreness and cramps. I get them regularly, not just in one spot, but everywhere. They make you feel like both of your legs are broken and leave you screaming like a banshee.

While I am just a junior in high school, some days I truly feel like this unc status has taken me over. Anyway, wish me luck trying to reach the end of this year while fitting in with all the other hip and cool kids.