Borders Says No more Pineapple on Pizza

By: Katie Borders

Opinion Editor

Pizza | Pepperoni, onions, banana peppers & pineapple. Thank… | Flickr

I often wonder about the great mysteries of the universe. I mean, there are so many yet to be unraveled and solved! Humanity has cracked some pretty big ones so far, like how we are all made up of atoms and how a ball moves through the air. There are other mysteries, however, that no matter how much I ponder, I can never wrap my head around them. For example, I’ll just list some questions I have: What is existence? Is the Big Bang Theory correct? Will humanity end with an apocalypse? And then there’s the greatest, most challenging question of all: WHY do humans put pineapple on pizza?

I am sure that a lot of people have pondered this question at one point or another. Fruit on pizza. Pizza with fruit. Fruit and pizza. Nope — no matter the wording of the phrase, it still just doesn’t make sense to me. And then factoring in the ham that is usually paired with the pineapple baffles me even more.

Taking pride as an avid and skilled pizza eater (my credentials lie within the pizza box currently in my fridge), I, Katie Borders, with utmost sincerity and seriousness, take it upon myself to crack the case of the Pineapple-on-Pizza mystery. Please raise your right arm and repeat after me: “I, (name), with utmost sincerity and seriousness take it upon myself to crack the case of the Pineapple-on-Pizza mystery.”

Whenever I enter a pizza parlor, I gravitate towards the cheese, pepperoni, or mushroom and sausage pizza. However, there is almost always an option with pineapple as a topping. I remain perplexed as to what draws people to put pineapple on pizza when there is such a variety of toppings to choose from. Apart from being a fruit (which putting fruit on pizza is a terrifying thought by itself), the sweet flavor of the pineapple would also mix with the savory flavor of the pizza. I prefer not to mix savory foods with sweetness, so I already cannot fathom the appeal.

Despite my strong anti-pineapple-on-pizza stance, some of my friends like the disgusting combination. Recently, when I asked them why they liked it, the thought-provoking words they responded with were, “It’s just good.” Literal goosebumps. The answer to my question lies within the deep meaning of these three words. 

I will continue to search for answers in the three words, “it’s,” “just,” and “good,” and will hopefully learn the answer to my age-old question!

Categories: Humor

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