LGHS Loses Its Wifi

No Wifi

by Hannah Whitney

Graphics Editor

From Aug 19 to Aug 22, Los Gatos High School was transported back to a time of misery, a time of confusion, a time of horror: The Dark Ages. For the first time, our great school caught a glimpse into a post-apocalyptic world, and, for those few days, it seemed like there was no way out. The wifi was down.

The first day of school was like any other. Students woke up early to look nicer than any other day for the rest of the school year. They texted their BFFs to make sure that they would not be (God forbid) walking onto campus alone. They half listened to Ms. Grasty’s welcome speech and Nat Redfern’s “pinky-swear” speech while aimlessly searching for someone to walk with to their first period class. Students were thrilled to be back breathing in the parking-lot-construction air until reality set in during their first period class.

Attitudes changed when students returned home with a school year’s supply of reality. As evidenced by the turtle-shaped backpacks filled with textbooks, the aroma of sweat from hiking up and down the third floor of the math wing, and the tired look of a child back from denial, school had officially begun.

The second day of school should have been like any other second day. Students hadn’t even looked at their odd period homework assignments. AP English goers were surprised with in-class essays. Students tried desperately to switch in and out of classes. Those procrastinating students (you know the type) rushed to the library to print out their last minute summer assignments, until something shocked the whole school.

People turned on school computers, laptops, and iPads only to be greeted with a “you are not connected to the internet” welcome note. Mouths dropped. Heartbeats increased. AP Environmental students freaked as they tried to figure out how to finish their summer book questions.

Students grounded from using too much data over the summer were desperate. How would they keep up on Buzzfeed? Who was going to check tumblr for the Harambe feed? What would they do if they could not check Canvas? How could anyone survive? The school was in utter chaos.

Hope was salvaged when faculty promised that “the internet will be up and running as soon as possible.” LGHS members were then confident that Monday would be back to normal.

Well wrong they were! Again, library users were shocked that they couldn’t print out assignments for their next class. Hope was lost completely, and the school fell to anarchy. The school devolved into a real-life William Golding novel.

The classroom environment was unrecognizable. Every computer and iPad had been smashed and burned in a ceremonial sacrifice to a dead techincal era. Students and faculty hunted around the school for that one student with the hot spot on his phone.

“Please! Please! We’ll do anything,” the savages screamed as they clawed at the helpless student.

Oh, does the lord have mercy on the poor lost souls of Los Gatos High? Would the savage Lord of the Flies state ever pass? Would sanity ever be restored?

Just as everyone thought all hope was lost, tech support came to the rescue. Comcast was finally back in business at LGHS. The lives and data of everyone was saved. Thank you tech support! Everyone will remember what you did here today and your heroic names will go down in history!

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