by: Fuyu Banno
Graphics Editor

Let me introduce myself. Hi, I am Fuyu Banno. I am now seventeen years old, and I suffer from a case of “I should have my license, but I don’t even have my permit.” It’s a curable disease that affects hundreds, if not thousands, of high school juniors around the country. However, just because I can fix it doesn’t mean I will. Today, I’ll be answering the most common questions people have about unlicensed teenagers who should have their license as their (unofficial) representative.

Q: Why do you not have your license?

A: Despite what people may believe, I, in fact, am not hiding a license. I simply do not have time. It’s because I’m such an academic weapon my schedule is so full I don’t even have the space to get my permit. Why would I learn how to drive when I should be learning how to save the planet? It may also be because, for some reason, Netflix seems to eat away my minutes and hours, and my phone seems to never get boring.

Q: Have you ever attempted to even get your permit at least?

A: I have never opened the DMV website. But I have, for the record, carefully read through a DMV pamphlet, which I would say counts.

Q: Do you think you would be a good driver if you did have your license?

A: Of course. I have tons of experience with Mario Kart 8, which is basically just the same thing as irl driving. I especially excel at driving on the Rainbow Road in Mario Kart, and I’m pretty sure drifting is just as easy in real life. Perhaps I am too good for the regular roads the common people drive on. Mario and his friends wish they were me.

Q: Is there any upside to being unlicensed as a junior?

A: Yes, of course. Not being able to drive means that I do not have to pay for gas money, worry about car insurance, or have to park my car. I’m never concerned about getting to school at the crack of dawn just to get a free spot, and I never have to look like an idiot sprinting after school to my car to avoid traffic. I can only look at my friends who can drive with sympathy and amazement at how they carry this big weight, especially with all the junior year stress on top of everything.

Q: When are you getting your license?

A: Well, I first need to get my permit. So I must study for that first and need to book my permit test. And then I have to take lessons and wait six months before I can take my driving test. And then I would need to pass that, and then I can get my license! Oh! I would also need to get a car, which means I would need insurance. And don’t get me started on how long everything would take with my procrastination. The point I am trying to get across is that I promise I will get my license as soon as possible. Trust me.

That was it for the Q and A session. I hope that the world gets a better understanding and even gains some sympathy for those who don’t have a license. We people with no license should never be ashamed, especially because we will definitely be on the road soon… definitely. In the near future, I promise.