By: Annabelle Pan
Graphics Editor
There is a thin line between a debate and a squabble. A debate is a respectful discussion on a particular topic in which two sides put forward opposing views. A pointless argument is a stubborn battle between two people, both trying to win. There is no point in fighting just to be right. People should argue to gain the right knowledge rather than trying to prove their knowledge is right.
Winning isn’t everything. When people squabble, it is either because they have strong, opposing views on a subject or because one person misunderstood the facts but is unwilling to admit it. Either way, simply winning an argument does not mean you convinced your opponent that you are correct; it just means you shouted louder. Fighting automatically triggers resistance. Neither person wants to acknowledge the other side, and both people just stop listening. Disagreements are not always negative, but unproductive quarrels that circle around themselves only drain the energy of the contenders and the listeners.
Stubborn arguments like this are even more pointless when the two squabblers are not even debating the same subject. Buster Benson, the author of Why Are We Yelling: The Art of Productive Disagreement, points out three different areas of disagreement: the head, the heart, and the hands. Head arguments draw from facts and focus on what is objectively true. Disagreements of the heart emphasize what is meaningful; they are about personal taste and opinion. Arguments in the area of the hands are about use and practicality. Benson asserts that it is important to make sure both sides of the argument are arguing in the same realm to ensure minimal unproductivity.
Other sources of useless disagreement are anxiety and self-centeredness. Frequently, people think that a disagreement is a personal attack. They then become anxious about what will happen to their reputation if they back down from the challenge, and then all that remains is a pointless fight. People need to stop defending their honor and pride and start genuinely defending their argument so that the debate actually results in learning. By acknowledging the opposing view, a person will learn more about how others view the same issue and perhaps even find a flaw in their own thinking. There is no point in arguing if neither side is willing to listen to the other half of the disagreement.
How should you argue then, if not to defend your point of view to death? Ask clarifying questions to understand the other view instead of just yelling. Think for two seconds before you speak. Ask yourself if you genuinely believe your view is correct or if you already know you’re wrong. If you are wrong, there’s no shame in admitting it. Treat arguments like an opportunity to learn, not a method of forcing your thoughts and opinions onto other people.
(Sources: NY Times)