Humor Editor
High school, particularly junior year, brings on a lot of stress and anxiety. Internalized questions, ranging from “How will I get this done?” or even “Am I good enough?” work my amygdala into overtime and leave me feeling defeated, scared, and paralyzed. One evening, it all caught up to me. Talking with my mom about my least favorite subjects — my grades and my future — the thing I dreaded most became real: I started to cry. I ran to my room and hid away; I felt vanquished by my feelings of embarrassment and vulnerability. As a result, I rendered myself unable to face my emotions, and I haven’t cried since. Why do boys open up less than girls? Hormones might account for some differences, but they don’t explain the shame I felt or why so many guys my age feel pressured to hide their tears. Research shows that boys are often conditioned from a young age to suppress emotions like sadness or fear. A Duke University study found that adolescent boys scored higher than girls on feeling shame when they cry, highlighting the internalized stigma around male vulnerability. If building a society of emotionally intelligent men is important because it fosters healthier relationships, deeper empathy, and a greater capacity for mutual respect, then we have to start teaching boys that being open, honest, and vulnerable isn’t a threat to their sense of self; it’s an essential part of it.
If “being a man about it” in today’s society means putting emotions aside, especially when faced with difficult situations, why are we teaching young boys this harmful lesson? While no parental figure beat these words into my brain, many boys grow up in a comparable environment. Social conditioning to “be a man about it” has still shaped how I approach emotional expression in my relationships with others and myself. Society must make an effort to unteach these stereotypical social roles to children, as they inhibit the number of genuine emotions all human beings must allow themselves to feel for the sake of their wellbeing. Psychologist Niobe Way describes this as a “crisis of connection,” where boys, pressured to appear tough and unemotional, sacrifice deep friendships and emotional outlets as they grow older.
What do the steps forward look like? It can mean changes right at home with parents modeling emotional openness, teaching boys that having strong emotions is part of what it means to be human, and showing boys ways in which to navigate their intense feelings. Schools can continue to implement dedicated time to teach stress management and foster emotional intelligence in teens through social-emotional learning (SEL). Young men in particular need to be made aware of the harms associated with the traditional notions of masculinity, as these can damage mental health, stifle genuine passions and creativity, and hinder social connections.
To the me hiding under the covers, lost in tears from the shame of feeling exposed and disappointed in his inability to remain calm and in control; you were right where you needed to be in that moment, because after all the pressure, all the pretending, finally letting go was the bravest thing you could’ve done.
(Sources: Express-News, Harvard GSE, Impact UPenn, Inner Explorer, Promising Futures, Pure, Santa Cruz COE)